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All-Steroids Team: Jay Gibbons
Patrick Smith is a Baltimore Orioles fan. He has a right to be mad at Jay Gibbons. It seemed silly to me when fans threw plastic syringes at Barry Bonds and made “backne” jokes to Sammy Sosa. What do...
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When Kids You Love Start to Love the Stuff You Hate
What do you do when your nephew becomes of fan of your most hated rivals? Patrick Smith tries to find an answer. I’m crazy about my sister’s kids. America’s Proudest Uncle. I’ve become the relative...
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Instant-Tax Lady Liberty Will Screw You
Next time you think your job sucks, think of the guy dressed in a Statue of Liberty costume, doing a sad dance by the side of the road, holding a sign encouraging you to take your income tax forms to...
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Should You Play Down to Your Partner’s Level?
After a conversation with his barber, Patrick Smith wonders whether or not a man should play light—or even left-handed—in a tennis match against his wife. I was the only customer in the barbershop the...
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Triple-Nay
Why are Patrick Smith’s clients lying to him about playing minor league baseball? On a Monday morning, I hobbled into a prospective client meeting. “You’ll have to excuse me,” I told the potential...
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Not Just Live, Double Live
Buried deep within his iPod, Patrick Smith has a dark secret: Frampton Comes Alive. I’ve been living a lie. A double life. And it’s time to come out. Sure, I know. My iPod’s packed full of obnoxious...
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Are You a Car Guy or a Sports Guy?
All men are either Car Guy or Sports Guy, Patrick Smith writes. Guess which one has the advantage. There are 3.5 billion women in the world. And there are two men. Actually, there are more. But two...
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Every Office Has a Creepy ‘Sex Dude’
Oh, OK. You’d ‘hit that thing hard?’ Thanks for letting me know. A professional conversation between a woman and two men should not end with one of the men breathlessly informing the other man what...
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Losing the Big Coin Flip
Some win, some lose, and it’s never fair. —- “Man, did you watch the Orioles last night?” Charlie asks me the question before I even get in the door. He knows I watched. “I swear. Those guys … How...
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Calm Down, It’s Just a Sport
When is it OK to punch another fan at a sporting event? Um, never? After, the 49ers–Raiders preseason game last week, Candlestick Park’s box score included a restroom beating, fights in the stands,...
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Excuse Me, That’s Ms. Andry
Patrick Smith reflects on underdogs, misandry (haw haw), and the non-End of Men. This piece is part of a special series on the End of Gender. This series includes bloggers from Role/Reboot, Good Men...
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Baseball Doesn’t Need to Be Saved
Baseball isn’t broke, Patrick Smith writes, but there is one thing it could do without. Tom Matlack has some ideas about how to fix baseball. Do something about those wacky salaries, he says. Then...
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I Hate Fancy Beer, and So Do You
Remember when there were only five kinds of beer and they all tasted the same? It’s time to admit it. You hate the beer you drink today. You know you do. It looks and tastes like a loaf of...
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